Love, Fergie

Remember folks, you saw it here second or third!

The Black Eyed Peas frontwoman Fergie has sent Alanis Morissette a butt-shaped cake after being impressed by the rocker’s April Fool’s Day version of “My Humps.”

After the video for Morissette’s version of the band’s hit song “My Humps” became a worldwide sensation on YouTube, the star sent the Canadian singer a congratulatory cake with a note attached reading “Alanis, you’re a genius. Love, Fergie.”

In Morissette’s video for the song, she sings a down-tempo version of the hit track while surrounded by men wearing sunglasses and fedoras.

Reposted from. . . 

Tea Partay

This little goodie reminds me of any number of cringe-inducing associations:

1) growing up in Charleston and going to a private school where people dressed like this and took it super fuckin’ seriously

2) my first and only pair of Topsiders

3) my crazy-cracker boyfriend acting so very street and usually making me spray beer out of my nose laughing

Enjoy yo’ weekend, playahs!

WWJD?

This, my friends and fellow Christians, is the real hunky Jesus. . .

SFPD Officers Get Away With It

I frequently get somewhat envious comments from far flung friends about how cool/hip/liberal San Francisco is.

Sure. To a degree. As I told Boy recently, I’ll never willingly live elsewhere in the States. 99% of the rest of our great nation is still just too damn repressed, boring, or downright hostile to homos.

San Francisco still has a way to go, though, especially, apparently, in the SF police department. Feast your indignation on the following excerpt from a SFGate.com article . . .
San Francisco police officers — accused in a lawsuit of forcing a gay man they caught urinating in the street to kneel down and use his hair to mop up after himself — will not face the prospect of discipline because the department missed a deadline to act after the man sued the city in 2005.

Members of the Police Commission approved an $83,000 tentative settlement of the man’s civil rights suit without comment on Wednesday. But afterward, some commissioners expressed frustration that no one in the Police Department acted in time before the one-year statute of limitations on disciplinary action expired.

“You are talking about a hate crime — it’s just a tragedy that the department is unable to do anything about it because it dropped the ball so early on,” said Commissioner Joe Veronese, who promised to make sure the department acted to preserve such cases in the future.

According to the suit, Andrew Marconi of Sacramento was confronted by three officers at 2:15 a.m. on March 7, 2004, as he urinated outside theEndup, a nightclub near the Hall of Justice.

Marconi said he was accosted by the officers, including Sgt. Jason Fox and Officer Simon Chan — neither of whom could be reached for comment — who he claimed used anti-homosexual slurs against him.

“You peeing on my streets? Do you think we want your AIDS-infected pee on our streets?” Fox allegedly asked.

Marconi claimed he was forced to kneel down into his urine as the officers continued to verbally abuse him, shining a flashlight in his eyes. Then, Marconi contended, Fox slammed his head into a wall and used his hair to clean up the urine on the wall.

The officers then stripped off Marconi’s shirt and used it to mop up the remaining waste, also threatening Marconi with more violence should he ever be caught urinating again, according to the lawsuit.

It claimed the abuse only stopped when Marconi’s friend walked up and showed his Stockton Police Department badge to the officers, who got in their patrol car and drove off.

In another context, the above would be a very hot scene. In fact, I think I have a video of a very similar scenario in my home entertainment collection. However, kidding aside, the whole situation, from the first encounter to the method in which theSFPD, purposefully or just through inept bungling, is disgusting.

The full article continues here.

The Spank Master

Boy and I have been meaning to hit, no pun intended, a local monthly spanking party for ages now. This event, please note, “is a safe environment for beginners looking to explore their Spanking Fantasies. This is not an S&M Leather Group. More into the Traditional Old Fashion Spanking over Daddy’s Knee or Fraternity Pledge Initiation Paddling.”

I love anything traditional. And what better day to celebrate traditions than on Easter Sunday?

Sadly, we missed ‘the rush’ by going late (we had, per my own Easter tradition, to witness the merely amusing Hunky Jesus contest in Dolores Park) so arrived at the play space too late to catch the crowd.

And what a space it was. I’m sure the set up, spanning at least 8 rooms and one side hall we refrained from exploring labeled ‘Asshole Alley’, would have erectionated any true devotee of spanking and BDSM, or any colonial-era magistrate looking to question a few suspected witches.

Boy and I were alternately amused and faintly horrified. It looked, as Boy noted, like the backdrop and beginning for a very mediocre slasher flick. Black walls, neon ‘designs’ splattered on the wall, a full sized astronaut and Frankenstein monster, bunk beds, and too much netting greeted us at every turn.

Boy and I had just finished test driving some stockade spanking fun when our host, Spank Master Bill, ambled over, spoke some words of which I recall none, then picked the still bare-assed Boy and slung him over his shoulder like a sack o’ taters, and walked us to ‘the white room’.

The white room had, according to our host, the best spanking bench in the place, and the added benefit of also having a large, pristinely white, suspiciously spotless round bed in the middle of the room.

There were maybe four other people there. The sound of my hand smacking boy’s ass echoed in a weird way through the emptiness. We took a break to watch the Spank Master in action on a nubile gaysian boy (“you know why I spanked you so hard?” i heard Spank Master Bill ask his victim after their session, “Because you never called me!” ouch!).

I have a lot to learn about spanking, and I’d like to start by preventing my palm from stinging just as hard, if not harder, than the boy’s awesome and resiliant butt. Master is a pain pussy! But I’ll gladly suffer for tradition.

A correction. I don’t enjoy all traditions. As I had Boy bent over and was stuffing his face with my dick, the Spank Master (I can’t type that enough, really) stopped back by and suggested I butt fuck the Boy. Well, why not?

Except, as the Spank Master massaged lube onto my cock in a hand motion eerily reminiscent of a cowgirl over-milking a big udder, he pushed a condom at me and informed me safe sex was a requirement.

I like a fetish or two, but some kink I simply can’t do. With that, I regretfully folded my damp dick back into my pants, and the Boy and I left the building.

Jim Meko Chimes In

and he’s none too happy.

Regarding the article in the Bay Times I wrote about last entry, Jim and I struck up an email exchange (which he titled ‘oh god, the attacks begin’), which follows below:

Jim,
I’m reading in the local press about your apparent attempts to refuse the Hole in the Wall permission to relocate to a safer (structurally speaking) building. I wanted to hear your side of the story before I blog about my thoughts on the slow but steady snuffing of social spaces for gay men in SoMa.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Best,
Benjamin

_____________________

Benjamin,

I have been talking with Jeremy Paul, who represents the Hole, for quite a while and about two weeks ago we arrived at a compromise that I was hoping the neighbors would accept. But then the folks from the Hole started spreading all this crap against me. I didn’t write the DR, didn’t organize the neighbors, haven’t talked to the Planning Department and am certainly not out to close the Hole (or the Eagle). I’m not the enemy of fun that they make me out to be. I do hold a seat on the Entertainment Commission, one that has been set aside to represent the interests of the neighbors. Now that this article has come out, with all these lies, I’m not so sure how interested in compromise these particular neighbors will be.

I don’t know this guy at the Bay Times and he didn’t even bother to contact me. If he had, this is what I would have told him:

<< I think both the Hole and the Eagle are great bars and I hope they go on forever. One of the things that makes them so much fun is the outlaw factor. Joe Banks and John Gardiner operate right at the edge of what’s legal and acceptable but they’ve been established in this community for so long that I’d fight to defend their right to continue that tradition. My complaint is that they didn’t give any thought to this new neighborhood they decided to move into. Huge difference. Nearly a hundred neighbors in close proximity. 98 units of affordable housing at Folsom/Dore. 140 units of SRO supportive housing with drug rehab programs going in directly across the street. Joe and John got bad advice about that location. I wrote a letter to their real estate agent last July outlining the challenges they would face but they decided to bully their way through all of this. It’s turned into a nasty and divisive fight and I deeply regret it. >>

 

Thanks,

Jim Meko

 

____________________________________________________

Jim,

Thanks Jim. Awesome to hear your side of the story.
I too enjoy the Hole in the Wall and the Eagle, tho I’m by no means a regular. They seem well run and draw a good crowd. I was not aware that the owners engaged in actions of questionable legality (SF gays seem to do an OK job of policing their pubs and owners a la Les Natali of Badlands infamy).

The proposed new location of the Hole is next door to the Powerhouse, correct? Have the neighbors had problems with that bar that you predict will intensify if the Hole is allowed to relocate?

At any rate, I’m eager to present a more balanced view of this situation and thank you again for your input!

Cheers,
Benjamin

________

Benjamin,

The proposed location is a couple doors west of the Powerhouse. Scott and the staff at the Powerhouse have always maintained a live and let live relationship with the neighbors, and a bar has been at that location for nearly forty years. The stairs and store rooms are alongside the neighboring residence and the residence’s stairs also provide more of a buffer. It’s also on a corner and that mitigates more issues with bikes out front etc.

The neighbors around the proposed location for the Hole are mostly concerned about the back yard. All these homes on Folsom, Tenth and Dore have rear yards … it’s a nice oasis from the crummy traffic out front. The main compromise would be to build a smoking room at the rear, without any access into the back yard. The yard would be left only for the residences above the bar. Soundproof the room, ventilate it above the roof line so the neighbors wouldn’t have to live with cigar smoke coming into their bedroom windows … and out front, we’d ask that they surrender their curb cut (driveway) and turn it into motorcycle parking.

Their rep accepted the deal. I’d like to think most of the neighbors would buy into this too, but I’m so pissed right now, we’ll have to see.

jim

That’s My Mayor

We interrupt our investigation of the challenges facing the Hole in the Wall to bring you this photo of our mayor apparently felating a microphone.

The Drudge Report picked up the story from local blogger Beth Spotswood, who gushingly apologizes for the unflattering press her little expose has garnered our beleaguered  leader.

Jim Meko vs. The Miracle Mile

I’m being driven around San Francisco by a man who knows his way around the city, and has for a long time.

“That used to be a bath house,” he says, pointing to a closed, derelict building on lower Oak Street. “I had some great times there.”

The topic turns, as it often does, to San Francisco then versus San Francisco now. It is never a particularly cheering conversation and as he reels off the names of bars and gay gathering places now long closed, all along what was once called ‘The Miracle Mile’, I feel bummed at the almost inconcievable social space downsizing that has happened in the last twenty years.

Sadly, one city commisioner appears to want to continue the process. Jim Meko seems like an odd bird. He’s lived in SOMA since the late 1970s and, like my kind chaffeur friend, has seen the before-and-after in that area. The odd part is that he is, according to a recent article, doing everything he can to further the downward spiral of SOMA by preventing the legendary Hole in the Wall from relocating to a new, structurally safer space.

As noted in a recent article in the SF Bay Bay Times, “His influence doesn’t simply stop with SoMa. He has tried to curtail similar businesses in several San Francisco neighborhoods from North Beach to the Castro, and has actively battled with the organizers of The Hairrison Street Fair, the newest annual SoMa-based event drawing a large international Bear subculture to the area.”

The article is interesting but sounds very one-sided. After reading it, I contacted Jim Meko to get his side of the story.He promptly replied, the contents of which I’ll share tomorrow.

Peace, Love and Chicken Grease

ON a blog called Dixieexile, one might expect a mention of, oh-i-dunno, Dixie, every once in a while.

I pinged Kd, my cornbreaded correspondant in Waycross, Georgia, for a field report on what’s shakin’ in the land o’ cotton, and this is what he had to share. . .

. . you would have shit your britches here last weekend…we had a festival downtown for the kids…. with face painting , clowns, etc….i saw some boys and girls running around with their faces painted like the rebel flag and I was like damn that is sorta creepy….we are in the middle of damn Dixie I know but it just looked weird…and then I really had a heart attack when I saw a little black girl run up to the fried corn booth and when she turned with her ear of corn in her mouth she had her face painted with a rebel flag also…I couldn’t run fast enough to my store to get my camera…I do have a pic of some boys that I will send so you can get the idea…I would have loved to have sent that pic toal sharpton and david duke….

peace, love and chicken grease
kd

Thank ya KD! It must be noted that the boy in green is wearing a t-shirt saying ‘I Fixed My Sister!’ with a drawing of (real?) masking tape over his sister’s face. Charming!

Mark Morford Must Hate Me

Which is sad, because I’ve long given some thought to politely going down on him (or having my boy do it, since he gives much, much, much better head than i do) just to show gratitude to Mr.Morford for being a right-on, SF-gettin, liberal hot straight writer man. It doesn’t hurt that his avatar photo thingy pasted at the end of each of his articles is freakin’ adorable.
Except now, I think he might loathe me, all for this simple reason: I get my music at Starbucks.

Well. Actually, I get my music from the boy, who got it from Starbucks. And just today Mark Morford railed, in his cute, cutting, incisive way, about just that: Starbucks selling music. Mediocre music, at best, claims Morford.

But unless I’m very much mistaken, (entirely possible given the amount of medical spacecake I’ve been horking down lately), boy brought home the likes of Lily Allen and Mika from Starbucks (note: he did not buy the music from Starbucks, he just heard/saw it promoted there, and returned home to suckle Steve Jobs’ corporate cock by buying it offiTunes).

I think I need a blow job.