Alien Peep Show

For those of you into str8 cawk, you might envy my Canadian friend’s recent weekend, if you can make it through all his boring cocktail talk.

Jeff: benben

me: hi hi

Jeff: how are you?

me: i’m doing alright. how bout u?

Jeff: I’m good. I went camping last week

me: how was that? how rustic

Jeff: lol it was in a cottage with me and like 30 friends

me: ah. gay camping. nice

Jeff: we had running water and electricity and a jacuzzi. hahahhaah

me: right. gay camping

Jeff: And I drank Caesars for breakfast

me: what is that? bloody mary based right?

Jeff: A Caesar is like a bloody mary its clamato juice with vodka, worcestire, tabasco and salt and pepper

me: i’d heard of it just not had one. bet they are delicious

Jeff: everyone I know loves them. I’ve never drank clamato juice though. i cant get past the whole making juice out of fish thing

me: you have no future as a lesbian

Jeff: vile! I’d probably eat vagina before I’d eat clam juice

me: women worldwide rejoice at the news

Jeff: HAHAHHAHA

Jeff: hehe. omg I got so drunk that weekend! we drank in the mornings cause it was all we could do to end the pain.

I also saw more cock than I ever wanted to in one sitting becuase our friends take their clothes off when they drink so me and like 18 naked straight boys

me: god the things str8 dudes do to get to see and display cawk. Was it torture or was it like ‘ok already’

Jeff: you know straight cock interests me like 0%

me: true. me too mostly

Jeff: Especially if they’re my friends I’m just like “god put it away”

me: tho if a hot naked one backed up to me making truck-in-reverse beeping noises, I probably wouldn’t say no

BEEP

Jeff: hahahahah

me: BEEP

Jeff: yeah. They all do tricks with their penises too

me: like?

Jeff: Like weird living “sculptures” or something.

me: “Dragon Spits Fire” what was the best one you saw?

Jeff: The alien peep show: My friend ben stuffed his balls up inside himself then tucked his penis backwards and pulled his then empty ballsac forward around it

It was fucking gross

me: Ah. Did you see the classic ‘alien brain’ too?

Jeff: He does everything! Yes! anyway I have to go away for a bit I’ll be back later

me: Sigh. Most interesting thing you’ve said in ages and now you have to go