South Carolina Is So Gay

I won’t bore you with the whole article, which you can find here but I will snip out some gems that I can respond to, given I was raised in this charming state.

Tourism experts puzzled by rejection of SC gay ad

By PAGE IVEY Associated Press Writer

COLUMBIA, S.C.—In late June, travel agent Matthew DeGuire got a call from a customer about an ad in London’s subway.”South Carolina is so gay” read the ad, alongside others touting Las Vegas, New Orleans, Boston and Atlanta as also being “so gay.” The ads were timed with London’s annual gay pride festival.

“He was pleasantly surprised about it,” DeGuire said of his client.

But several state officials, including Gov. Mark Sanford, think the ad went too far. While the state’s tourism agency initially agreed to pay $5,000 for the ad, the governor and other officials are now refusing to pickup that tab, saying taxpayer dollars shouldn’t be used to promote any group with a particular social or political agenda.

Well no shit. it sounds like someone accidentally hired a moderate into SC government. What were they thinking?

“South Carolina is not typically known as a gay travel destination,” said John Tanzella, executive director of the International Gay & Lesbian Travel Association. “But there are things for gay people to do there.”

Basically, ‘run’ or ‘remain in the closet’. Or sit and stew in the smoke filled splendor of a SC gay bar and see for yourself what a lifetime of cigs and fried foods can do to the face.

Thomas did not return telephone messages left at his Greenville law office last week seeking comment. He told Time magazine for an article last week that he thought the ad might mislead gay travelers about what is in South Carolina for them. “They’ll get off the plane and say, ‘Where are the gay beaches?’ and no one will know what they are talking about.”

To get to the gay beach, such as it is, in Charleston, follow Folly Road until it dead ends into the beach, hang a right, go down as far as you can, park in the Folly Beach Park parking lot, then go out to the beach, take a right, and walk until the coast begins to curve inland. It isn’t worth it, trust me.

South Carolina

If I had a dime for every person who sent me the YouTube clip of Ms South Carolina being super stupid on stage, I’d be rich.

Thankfully, someone a great deal smarter visited my home state, and had this to report.

Favorite Person

This video, in which (it seems) a hag misses her fag, is sweet enough to give one a cavity. But it does raise an interesting question – “Are you anybody’s favorite person?” I’m fairly lucky in that I have few favorite people, and one of them is having a birthday today.

 Happy birthday Tiffney!

So so Southern

Violence over a woman, men with three names, a birth defect, a nickname, and home crafts-for-profit. It doesn’t get much more Southern than this folks. Enjoy.

Armless Man Delivers Fatal Head-Butt

By DOUG GROSS, Associated Press Writer

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Police are investigating the death of a man who collapsed after he was head-butted by an armless man in a fight over a woman. Snellville Police Chief Roy Whitehead said the two men, Charles Keith Teer and William Russell Redfern, scuffled Monday afternoon in the driveway of a suburban Atlanta home.

Police say Redfern, who was born with no right arm and only a short stump for his left arm, kicked Teer and Teer hit Redfern during the fight, which was due to long-standing bad blood over a woman who once dated Teer and now dates Redfern.

After bystanders separated them, Redfern “came back and head-butted (Teer) one time,” Whitehead said.

Teer complained of feeling dizzy, collapsed, and died, Whitehead said.

After the fight, Redfern and the woman got into his truck and drove to the Snellville police station, Whitehead said. He said the couple had called 911 to report the dispute, then told the operator they needed an ambulance after Teer collapsed.

A woman who answered the telephone at Redfern’s home, in suburban Tucker, Ga., said he had no comment. She declined to identify herself.

Police are awaiting autopsy results before deciding whether Redfern should be charged.

Known by the nickname “Rusty,” Redfern made a name for himself in the late 1980s for pen and ink drawings he does using his foot.

According to the web site for VSA Arts — an affiliate of the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts that promotes and showcases artists with disabilities — Redfern’s drawings take one to six months to complete.

He was one of six Georgians selected to represent the state at the 1989 International Arts Festival in Washington, D.C., and was commissioned by Georgia’s then-Secretary of State Max Cleland for a series of illustrations depicting the state capitol.

According to the site, he started Redfern Originals, Inc. in 1987, producing Christmas cards, stationary and limited-edition prints.

Amen

Part of my extended, Satan-put-fossils-in-the-ground-to-trick-us kinfolk live in Hickory, North Carolina.  And even though they go to church at least three times a week, I’m betting they don’t go to this church.

Boiled Peanuts

I tend to only go back South once every four years or so, and now in psych class, I’m learning the neurological reason I don’t linger there.

Apparently, anyone visiting home after a long time away stores away the associated neural pathways laid down during, often times, our last extended time there, aka our adolescence. Coming back, these often irritating associations get fired up again by implicit triggers: the smell of the house, the cadence of our parent’s voices, and the sight of all these freaky lighthouse statues.

So then before we know it, mentally, we are once again the resentful, misunderstood, hair trigger teen, and likewise, our parents and siblings, re-cued to the time by associations the returning child trigger, return to, in so many cases, distant days of high conflict.

One sticking point between myself and my father has nothing to do with these past associations, but rather to do with food. We constantly bicker and bitch about eachother’s eating habits. He, being the salt ‘o the earth type, loves him some ugly food that, as I like to remind him, looks the same going in you as it does coming out: beans with crumbled stale cornbread, for starters.

Being a uppity urban brat, I’ve developed a taste for food that is also presentable. My sushi addiction he finds particularly vexing. My mom sums up our differences nicely in saying that i eat to live, whereas Dad lives to eat. By this point, we’ve usually been hustled into a car and are headed out to eat, which isn’t any better, as Mr. Jim tips no more than 8%, and then only when I glare at him.

Interesting to read, then, a more balanced view of Southern cuisine.

in my defense, i do love some southern foods. fried okra is awesome, and tomato and mayo sandwiches in the summertime don’t suck. MyBFF Tiff, back home again and no doubt a victim of the above-mentioned psychological misfire, rudely ate boiled peanuts right out the damp brown bag, right into the phone while talking to me.

I had to hang up before I drooled all over the phone.

She Was Set Up!

I’m sure we’ve all noticed how most major online news outlets now give you bullet points at the top of the news story to convey the main points. We’ve become too lazy, busy, and/or illiterate to read full articles now, and even though I generally find the little blurbs annoying, in some cases the brevity makes the whole situation read like some inflated, absurd haiku.

For example:

Woman in teen net tryst ‘was set up’

• Woman allegedly tried to abduct internet boyfriend
• Family says boy’s parents paid her airfare to US
• Couple met on internet playing World of Warcraft

Really, other than the fact that this happened in the, yep, deep South, what more do we need to know?

Long Weekend

So, like, whatcha doing for the long weekend? No definite plans for yours truly, but goddess bless my best girlfriend in her upcoming ordeal.

Tiff: nick wants to go to harper’s ferry for a war reenactment this weekend. god help me
me: he wants to participate in it? or just watch it?
Tiff: what diff?

me: do you have to dress fake wounds and wear a hoop skirt? wait. which war?
Tiff: eat me. you are asking all the wrong questions
me: well, it would be cool if it were like the Crusades and you could play an infidel and stab christians in the armpit with your sword. nick could be your camel steed

Tiff: were you dropped on your head?
me: so we don’t know which war?
i’m trying to find the silver lining here luv, work with me

Tiff: he’s like let’s go to the beach. i’m like, it is memorial day. the beach will be a zoo and this is what he comes up with
me: i’m sorry. i’m guffawing at my desk like a. well. like a camel
Tiff: this could just be a ruse to kill me on a battlefield. they won’t discover it is a real death for days

me: go overeat somewhere yummy and then go watch Shrek 3 or something
Tiff: it will be fine
me: maybe you could be the camp follower woman slut who walks behind the army and gives comfort to all the menz at night in the tents. hot

Tiff: i have to go book a hotel in WV now
i’ll be back
me: you won’t sleep on the field?
WHAT WAR?
Tiff: eat me. look it up

So I did, and this is what she is in for. . .

*The Harper’s Ferry Reenactment is a Live Action Role Playing (LARP) event. Each player in the event is given a character to portray. Each character has her/his own goals and personality.*The Harper’s Ferry Reenactment can accommodate between 40-60 players; 19 raiders and 21-41 cast members.
*The Harper’s Ferry Reenactment will last for 20 hours, from 8:00 PM on Friday until 4:00 PM on Saturday. However, combat and strategic movement will only be possible for 12 hours; in order to allow players who wish to sleep uninterrupted to do so, a “time out” from combat and strategic movement will be called between the hours of 1:00 AM and 9:00 AM.
*All combat will be presented by the throwing of foam “boffer” projectiles (beanbags), and by the use of foam and pipe “boffer” hand-to-hand weapons. All weapons will be supplied or approved by the GMs.

Island House

One of my many roving pervs took to Key West and brought back pictures, stories, and a slow burn when he pees.

He writes:

So I thought you’d want to know about my vacation this week, a trip to Key West, FL AKA the Conch Republic (pronounced Konk, for us southerners who have learned to read but don’t know the right pronunciations).

I went with my ex and my best friend and we stayed at Island House, “the best gay men’s resort in the world”. We check into the room, pop on the tv to the guest house’s infomercial channel, and immediately my buddy says ‘I think there’s a man’s schlong on tv’. Of course there is, its Island House! Their tour of the facilities, even on the video, involves naked eye candy.

Once you’re in the front door (buzzed in of course), the entire facility is clothing optional. Nobody explains to the fat people to keep their clothes on, or to the hot boys to take theirs off, so usually it’s not that great. It does mean you can go from lunch wearing a towel at the pool to a naked swim in the cement pond without too many people raising an eyebrow.

So besides the obvious cruising done around the pool, there’s a gym, locker room, two hot tubs, a sauna and a steam room. Oh, and let’s not the forget the tv room upstairs, which the locals call the ‘culture room’. With six monitors showing assorted porno flicks, a few cubbyholes, one gloryhole, and a few trolls; its just like a mini-bathhouse. Motel 6 wishes they had it so good!

Key West itself is lots of fun, one of those small towns full of eccentric people catering to the tourism trade. Most of the people you meet aren’t from the island. Native islanders are called Conchs, when you live there seven years you become an honorary ‘Freshwater Conch’. Not many people are conchs though, there seems to be a lot of turnover. From what I’ve seen of property values and cost of living, its no wonder. Maybe its not too bad to the big city fags; but when I’m using to renting a 3 bedroom house for around $650/month; paying $1400 for a 1 bedroom efficiency is unbelievable.

What else is there? Mostly shopping and eating; there are watersports and fishing if you want to get out in the water; but the rocky beaches weren’t appealing to me. Its great for a few days to get away; after about 5 days you’re ready to go home and show off your tan. Since you walk everywhere, you get to see lots of houses with nicely decorated ‘yards’ (no grass, lots of plants, and very very tiny). The foliage down there is beautiful though, as long as you go down when they aren’t recovering from a hurricane.

Anyhow, I’ll admit I was kind of relieved to get back home and nurse my deflated wallet for a while. Maybe when I’ll win the lottery I’ll move down there and open my own mini-bathhouse…

Jesus Take the Fire

My Waycross GA correspondant KD updates us on the still raging fires. .
and the rest o the pix here

these are some more pics of the fire…one of my buddies was talking about how beautiful the fire pics are and I do have to say that it is sorta awesome…I really like the one from above the forest…you can see the trees that it has destroyed standing like black sticks stuck into the ground…damn…I need to make this into a coffee table book…hell, I’ll just take some more shots of the dirty firemen….

jesus take the fire

kd